


Every Moment

by lizvaughan



Category: If/Then RPF
Genre: F/M, JADINA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 03:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2134692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizvaughan/pseuds/lizvaughan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The If/Then cast goes for a night out. How badly could it end, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was Sunday evening. The cast of If/Then sat at the bar of a place that was the closest to them and sold alcoholic beverages. They hadn't given it too much thought. They were divided, with the girls on one side with their wine and margaritas, the boys on the other with their beers and burbouns. 

Idina Menzel sat with her female cast members, a white wine in one hand, trying not to look at James Snyder making his little "boys group" on the opposite end laugh. She started to tune out what LaChanze was saying, smiling and nodding but not really listening. She chugged her entire glass of wine as James turned around to see her staring at him and waved back at her. Idina motioned to the bartender to get her another glass. The lady handed her a coaster and another glass, which she took and immediately put up to her mouth. 

She was lost in her thoughts all evening. Every little thought that popped up into her head made her drink. Her failed marriage and the fact that she couldn't have the one man who she felt she truly...well...loved. She thought of the moments backstage, where they would sit and talk for hours in his dressing room. He would always light up when she came in, she had started to notice. The way they would tease each other. It was like they'd known each other for several years and were old school mates or something the way they acted. But she knew, deep down, they connected in a different way than just friends. Even onstage she could feel it. As "Josh and Liz" were kissing she felt as though they weren't even acting anymore. It was their passion and their feelings as they pushed their lips together. It had crossed the line of "just acting". It wasn't rocket science. She loved him and he loved her. But she knew he could never love her back, not in that way.

Idina hadn't talked much and after her night at the bar she had realized she had downed 3 glasses of wine. 

"I'm taking you home dear," LaChanze said with a gentle smile as she had gotten down from her bar stool.

"I'm toootally fine you go home" Idina obnoxiously laughed and said through her slurred speech.

"Yeah, right, I can tell," LaChanze laughed as she grabbed her arm to lead her out the bar and to her parked car. 

"Oh! LaChanze!" she heard James shout from down the block. He jogged a bit toward them and said, "I can take her home. My apartment and hers are in the same direction. I know yours and hers aren't. I don't want to bother you and I'm totally fine with doing it."

"Oh, could you? Thank you James. You've got to stop being such a sweetheart."

Idina started laughing, yanked her arm out of LaChanze's grip, and grabbed his face between both hands. 

"You've got a pretty little man face don't you? Look at this dude. I mean. Whaaat? Your parents must be really proud. A plus baby making right there yes siree. You're almost as cute as me. I mean not to brag," she put her hand up to her lips and said out of the side out her mouth,"but I'm pretty fucking adorable."

Her laughter turned into uncontrollable giggling and she saw he was trying to hold his laughter at her drunkeness. He lead her into his car where he had to buckle her in because she wouldn't stop playing with the seatbelt like it was the most amusing thing ever. Most of the car ride consisted of her laughing at absolutely nothing, her fits ranging from giggles to roaring laughter. At one point she stopped giggling to say, "You know how people combine names for people who are together? Like 'Kimye' and all that shit? So I was like thinking of a combined name for like Josh and Liz you know. So, like Jizz. JIZZ."

Both their inner 6 year olds came out as James and Idina started laughing uncontrollably. James was mostly laughing at her laughing at her own inappropriate joke. He was glad he had asked LaChanze to take her home. What he was witnessing tonight was absolute gold.

James looked over at her, still laughing, and his face was glowing with the widest smile his face had ever had in years. He saw the girl he had wish he had known year earlier, a girl that he hoped he was married to in a different life.

He didn't, however, see the red stoplight as he went into the intersection.

Boom.

Crash.

Blackout.


	2. Lapse of Memory

Idina slowly opened her eyes. She vaguely heard monitors beeping and she looked down to see her arm had an IV in it.

Where was she? Why was she here? What happened?

She sat up with great difficulty. Her ribs were sore and she could feel every movement in her chest as though she was being stabbed with a knife. Her head pounded and she could feel that someone had wrapped a bandage around the top of it. Her face was full of scratches and there seemed to be a huge weight on her sternum with every breath she took. She desperately looked around for someone to explain why the hell she was there. The door to her room was closed and no one had knocked or entered. The pain medications however dragged her back to sleep before she could ask anyone. 

She had woken up again. This time a little less befuddled, but demented nonetheless. She tried with all her might to remember why she was in here. Not even the slightest memory came up. Putting her head in her hands, she began to sob. 

"Idina! Idina!" 

A man was at her door. She could see he was badly bruised, his face full of scratches and his arm in a sling. He was limping a little bit, she could tell, but his face was beaming at the sight of her. His hair was golden brown and his teeth were insanely white and straight. She looked at him curiously, nonetheless taking note that he was exceptionally cute. 

"Thank god you're all right. I kind of...sneaked away so I could see you. I had to make sure that you were alright! Thank god you are."

He had crossed over to her bed. His face instantly dropped as her eyebrows knitted close together and frowned.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know who you are."


	3. Later On

Her face held a mournful expression as she shook her head gently. "I'm sorry, I've never seen you in my life."

Desperation could be heard in the poor man's voice as he repeated over and over, "It's me Idina.  Dee. Look at me. It's James. James Snyder?"

A tear rolled down her cheek as she frantically searched her brain to see if she could remember anything of him. The man looked so absolutely desperate to have her remember him, but she didn't know what there was to remember. She did not recognize his face, so obviously she did not know him.  _Right? Do I know him? I feel like I'm letting him down...he looks so worried. What do I say?_

"Look I'm sorry. Please get out of my room. I don't know who you are. I need to get some sleep. Have a good day."

He slowly backed away from her bed.  _She didn't remember him. She. Didn't. Remember. Him._

He quickly went back to his room, put his head in his hand and cried silent tears.

_This was all his fault. She didn't remember him and it was all his fucking fault._

_~~~~_

_30 years later_

_~~~~_

It had taken her years to get back what she had lost that fateful day. Now and then flashes of memories came back to her. Her life's story was incomplete, with patches of missing memories here and there. She knew that at one point she was a celebrated singer and a beloved Broadway actress. She was 73 years old, her son was named Walker, and she was married and then divorced at one point. She remembered vaguely singing on stage, but she mostly remembered the feeling of singing her heart out to thousands of people. Those memories filled her up with pure, unadulterated joy as she recalled her proudest moments. There was always one memory she could never seem to know the full details of. The accident itself. They had told her she was riding with someone in a car when another car collided into the side of it. They had told her she was with a man named Jim? Josh? John?

She was a sad old woman now, living a simple life alone, away from society in the middle of the countryside. She was tired of living in the city, encountering all the faces that recognized her and claimed to know her. She was tired of always having to let them down, as she seemed to always do to people, by explaining that she did not, in fact, remember who they were and probably wouldn't. She would always turn away from them after their encounter, not wanting to see their disappointed faces as she had seen too many times. She was sick of disappointing people. But she didn't have any other option. She could only remember what she could remember and that was that. There was nothing left to do.

She never returned to Broadway. She didn't do anything really. She had lost all of the memories of doing them to begin with, not to mention all the dialogue and songs she had memorized at one point. Those memories that must have been hers were gone. Looking through photos and looking online were the only evidence that she  _had_ done them. Otherwise she wouldn't have known.

Her son would visit her every so often, bringing her grandchildren and that wife she thought didn't deserve him. Of course no one deserved her boy, but she gave his wife some credit because she came pretty close. Then there was Taye. She wasn't on bad terms with him necessarily, but she knew they had ended for some reason and she trusted herself enough to understand that there was no going back to him. Her past self had been finished with him, so she decided she might as well not fuck things up twice. 

Her life was sad, in a lot of ways. With nothing to do all day, she mainly sat around watching the television, stroking the mean cat she had gotten hoping it would fill the emptiness she felt inside. In all honesty, the fat and nasty old cat didn't, but she kept him anyways because she needed  _someone_ to talk to. Even if it was a nasty, gigantic cat that would only not hiss at her while he was eating or being stroked.

It was a chilly September night when she heard her doorbell ring. Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to figure out who in god's name it could be. It wasn't the mailman (he had come this morning), it wasn't her son (he was with his family in Florida on vacation), and it definitely wasn't Taye.  _Was it?_

She walked over to the door and unlocked the door. Her eyes were already looking down as she saw a pair of dockers on her porch.  _Nope, definitely not Taye._ Her eyes moved up the person's body and she saw khaki's and a plaid button down with a coat. Then she saw his face. She couldn't believe it was him.


End file.
